I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
