Just fell off a train. Bad.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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