I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
