the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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