A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
