im holly from the hills drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have fence marks all over my body
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
