david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
