I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
