i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
