YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
