My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
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Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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