so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
