I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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