I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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