I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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