Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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