He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
