well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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