i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
