Don't you send me to vm
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
