so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
