Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
