Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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