she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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