If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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