he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
