the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Randomize
