I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
