please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
