Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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