8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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