marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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