My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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