i may or may not be watching the land before time
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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