All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
