I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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