I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I look better un-naked...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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