i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
