Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
