He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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