just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
