Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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