Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just got carded by a ten year old.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
