Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
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