I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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