There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
