DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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