I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
