No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
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Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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