Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
