I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
