I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
