i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize