you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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