I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
