i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
