I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
