Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.