I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.