im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.