The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
