The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
