i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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