tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
