oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
