Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
