It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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