i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she told me i tasted like america
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
