You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
