u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
