why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
