Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
