Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
