pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
