I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
