so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
