My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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