I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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